Dictionary of real estate phrases
It took me a considerable amount of time to learn
the true meaning of phrases used in real estate ads.
I offer the following dictionary for the benefit of those
who search for a house and want to save their precious time.
- Old charmer - an old and ugly house
- Stunning house - the house is not ugly
- Tudor - two bedrooms are in the attic which is
not insulated; very hot in summer and very cold in winter
- Cape Cod - styled after Third World slum dwellings
- Sunny corner lot - noisy intersection of two
busy streets
- Easy freeway access - noisy arterial street
close to freeway
- Low maintenance lot - no yard; the kids will
have to play in the street
- Meticulously maintained in the original condition
- the appliances are 50 years old
- Ready to remodel - the house is about to collapse;
you will have to invest twice the asking price in remodel
before you can move in
- Newly remodeled kitchen - 50-year old cabinetry
and faucets have been replaced with cheap modern equivalents
- Ready to move in - the interior has been painted
with one coat of cheap paint
- Desirable neighborhood - this little house
is extravagantly overpriced because the neighborhood
has a snobbish reputation
- 1 car garage - you can drive your Ford Escort
into the garage but there is no room to open the door
- In-city living - it is not safe to walk
in this neighborhood after dark
- Recreation room with wet bar - basement has been
painted and has a faucet
- Large family room - large basement
- Bedroom in basement - basement has a 1' by 2' window
- Lots of storage space - basement is too small
to be called a family room
- Partial mountain view - you can see the tip
of Mt. Olympus if you climb the roof
- Territorial view - good view of your neighbor's
bedroom window
- Build sweat equity - the house is not inhabitable
- Storybook - the house is old and the roof is not flat
- Efficiently designed kitchen - the kitchen is too small
to fit two people at the same time
Thanks to Russell Shilling for the following entries!
- Seasonal creek - muddy ditch across the property
- Usable land - all the trees are gone.
- Doll-house - tiny place filled with ugly knick-knacks.
The following phrases were contributed by Doug Pretorius:
- Country living - too far from anywhere to drive to work
- Country in the city - a grotesquely overpriced large
lot with a 2 bedroom house built before World War I
- Cozy - not a single room could fit a full size bed
- Three season sunroom - a small addition the owner did
not have enough money to insulate
- Close to all amenities - the backyard is a shopping
mall parking
The following comes from Florida, via Donald Richards:
- Beachfront property, complete remodeling in 1996, a
steal at this asking price -
hurricane Andrew motivated the remodeling;
no hurricane insurance available, at any price
Contributed by Chrys Prichard:
- Must see inside - the outside is ugly
- Motivated sellers - subtract 15% from the asking price
Pete Rutherford's contribution:
- Easy to heat - see "cozy"
Mishie's phrases:
- Wildlife nearby - children and pets get ticks and fleas
- Near transportation - Amtrak train goes through the
backyard, every 15 minutes, day and night
- Pet friendly neighborhood - organic matter constantly deposited in
the front lawn
- Neighborhood watch - your next door neighbor has
binoculars trained on your house
- Just available - previous owner just died on the
premises, hope you don't believe in ghosts
Contributed by Yuval Peres:
- Waterfront property with boat dock - you will need the boat to leave when the house floods
- Serene forest setting - a fire is just a matter of time